Men with Many Names

You are somewhere and flaming
burning still, illuminating

I sat in the corner of
my new large room
it gets all the sun and sucks it up
I dozed with my eyelids violent red
my blood flowing in the veins
thinly veiling my blue ghost eyes

He told me it would be okay
He's right and he's heavy
He told me I was seeing fantasy
But he never knew me

I viewed him soulful, a guest here
He wasn't skin, I saw him for the
shimmering soft blues and greens and gentle reds
he was and is
I made it so he could enter my heart
and though we barely touched
he moved me soulfully
But then I wanted his body
and he was then beyond me

Now the man with the charmed voice is singing
"It'll be okay"
Yeah, I've heard that before
And lo, I am here and yesterday I cooked dinner
And despite the aching
and the daily dying
I am healing.

All these men with their echoes
and their words
I close my eyes and breathe out, choosing
the empty cavern of my own loving
blank stares and rich loneliness
and find myself closer to him,
without him
(and so, I am not without him).