Red Ink, Unrequited Humming.

October 15, 2007

I will write this story in red ink, for matter of the heart are of the utmost redness.

This story is a musical one, a gentle guitar rift in the love lives of man. The being in this world that seems to always fall into the most love.

Is it possible to find the person with whom you'd spend the rest of your life with, and for them not to be your soul mate? What is a soul mate? Surely, millions of people go home to their wives, their husbands, and yet still have the 'one that got away'. What if you find 'the one you missed out on'?

Sometimes I wish I had dreamed of him before I saw him. It might have given me some perception of a reality.

How is this, you ask?

Until you are in unrequited love, you will never know. A love to deep and wrong that you hate yourself half the time for lusting over such a person. I'd like to wake up and be right. Perhaps that is the grandest moment in a life, it's climax. Waking up righteous. 

Flow flow flow. The flow of a pen, even a red one. That is my love. A swirly, naive and juvenile 'I'. But what if you can defy age? Is it possible? Or will age always be the rock tied to the ankle of freedom? 

I can write poems, or convince myself that I am love-worthy. Until I am recognized as a woman, I will not be loved.

Look at the Yin-Yang. The principle that life is balancing, and you need both aspects to be whole. Enter, unrequited love. It rots the soul, and salts the guts of humanity. Perhaps that is why I am so giving, or find myself starting random charity organizations, to find my humanity. 

I am becoming cynical. Every breath, made out of irony. Every comment, sarcastic. Every hope, hopeless.

I constantly find myself judging my own opinions of myself. Gazing at everything as a naive, swirly and juvenile teenage whim. I am no teenager. I am thousands of year old. I watched your birth, stood aside as you took your first breath. I am eternal, yet I am done.

I will die in approximately 46 years. This is my last life. So why do morals and ethics still hold such huge stock?

Because ethics and morals are my humanity, and the other half of my unrequited love.