I Feel and Always Did

I hate you.
I hate everything about you, and everything not about you.
I hate that everyday I stutter in movement.
I hate the never-ending aching of my heart.
I hate my missing hope, or my jaded eyes.
I hate that I cry, and I hate that I do not cry.
I hate what is and what isn't, and I hate that I do not know the reality between the two.

But most of all,
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
I am sorry like le petit prince.
I am unabashedly sorry.
I am ashamedly sorry.
I am not sorry, I am a little sorry.
I am desperately sorry, forgive me.
Forgive me.
I am only sorry for some things, and mad for other things.
I am free and never sorry.
I am sorry.

But, in the end,
I love you.
I always loved you.
I will always love you.
You light up my life, you perfect being of imperfection.
I love what you are and are not.
I love myself.
I love my strength, and I love my magic.
I love the secrets that dwell in my heart,
and I love the secrets I have the strength to share.
I love my love for you, I love the eternalness of my promises.
I love your eyes, and your sputtering heart, and your silent mouth.
I love your existence and your talent and your hopes and dreams.
I love your life, and your breath.
I love my life, and my breath.
I love my bravery.
I love your bravery.

And so,
I hope you grow.
I hope you find the roots beneath your feet recede and your arms sprout feathers instead.
I hope your hair tastes like sea salt.
I hope the sweater you are wearing is warm enough and your socks are clean.
I hope you smile today.
I hope I paint a picture one day that makes you weep.
I hope one day, I can make you tea that I dried in my home.
I hope that you succeed.
I hope that I succeed.
I hope your heart realizes what is important.
I hope my heart realizes what is important.
I hope the forest that grew from our loving thrives after we have left.
I hope we return to the forest to visit every now and then.

I hate as much as one can, but not really.
I am sorry for as long as one can be safely.
I love deeply and wilfully and indefinitely.
I hope and hope and hope warmly and with light cascading around me.
I feel intensely, truly and easily.
Take the deepest care of your soul, love.
You feel easily, truly and intensely too.