how it is possible to turn away from the sun

i felt the bone in my shoulder heave
groan, whine, cry
and crack beneath the lightness of
your goodbye

and i would linger here,
in this empty field
if only for the sun
if only it would come
to graze my ears
and hold me like he would never go
never leave
never collapse
never fall to his holy knees

not cancer ridden is he,
my lover of poetry
my young lover of wine
he is healthy and steadfast
and I am his moon
his silver dream, moonshine feet bruised
but gentle on his back and in his eyes
not closed this time, this time of wonder

i was created within the warm centre
of a cup of green tea
in earthenware of the finest form
made with tender hands and fired in the kiln
i was born from this small home of humility
where only fire and heat could make me
and only you could break me

i'll attempt to fill you
i'll glean in your eye,
lit up in your mind
just a sweeping memory of some green
or would i be a field of blue?
a sea of love to drown out the fire,
you are afraid
of my desire

and i would have waited in that
big backyard
if it were not for the sun
who did not come
his body broken somewhere
i'll live that loss a thousand times over
repentance for lives gone
i've lived mine so well

if i let you remember me,
how could i leave?
how could i turn away from you

how could i turn from the sun?
how could i stay when he sears my flesh and burns in my eyes?
i don't want cigarettes or cities
i don't want concrete and electronic melodies
i want grass and simplicity
bookshelves and dim lights
security and consistency
wood and soot
night and day
and with love comes the pain
the singe of my everyday
the perspective i say i need to gain and
i wonder how much i am compromising
when all i want is just more light.